Meandering Comments of a Lonely Man

Hola,

Well, after 6 long weeks of constant social interactions, I have to admit that loneliness is hitting me hard. I do live with a wonderful person named Lindsey that I would be happy to spend every minute of my life with, but unfortunately in this case she works at least half the day every day. Thus, I find myself waking up alone and having little to do.

I'm sure things will change as I get back into the groove of being in Montreal, as I start hanging with friends again, as school starts, as improv restarts. I also know its only been one day so far. But in the past day I found myself just lying in bed with nothing to do, living my late afternoon in a half-awake daze, waiting for sweet Lindsey to return (she's the breadwinner).

As I sit by myself, I think of what Habonim Dror (my youth movement) offers me. The social interactions it provides are so special. I am close to those people like no one else, I trust them deeper than the average friend, and they make me very happy. I spent half my summer with Habo people and it was great. The stark change that occurs as I leave that life is shocking and difficult. It makes me think about my life and where I want it to go. I could devote much of my life to Habonim, perhaps becoming the next leader, perhaps making Aliyah and helping Israeli society with other Habos. Pursuing these options would put me in a perpetual Habo society, with great friends always around. Or maybe I'm just romanticizing...I have a tendency to do that. Maybe its not the movement itself, but rather the specific people within it that I care about so freakin much. Maybe I should just adjust my life to include as many of them as possible in the future.

Whatever I choose, I'm glad that I'm making my choices based on my happiness. I feel like a lot of people make life decisions that revolve around other values, perhaps money or comfort or something, I don't know. I try to direct myself to whatever makes me happiest, and its done me well to this point. Maybe when I'm a happy bum living alone in a cardboard box I'll think otherwise, but until that day I'm stickin to my guns.

Well, this entry took a couple unexpected turns. This is the true reason for my blog. As an experiment (re: the blog's title), I am using it to try and discover things I didn't necessarily realize were there. Like in an improv scene, I never know where I will end up. In this case I am pleased with where I have ended up. This particular experiment has been a success.